A brief search on the Google showed me that this text is russian only. But I can mistake. So, I decided to translate these old and popular (amongst russian FH sites) jokes. Sorry, I did not translated some stupid lines. Also, text is somehow unstructured. 1st law of inevitability: the enemy is always higher than you, and it has more speed. 2nd law of inevitability: the enemy always has more barrels or equal number of bigger calibres. 3rd law of inevitability: you will be killed when you stuck into the map. Another variant: you will be killed from the side you just ensured is clear. 4th law of inevitability: in Spitfire vs Spitfire duel, your opponent will be in more modern version. Addition of despaired/desponded novice: in Zero vs Zero duel, your opponent will be in older version, therefore more maneuverable. 5th law of inevitability: if the weapons of enemy attaking you is too weak to kill you, he will bite off only one, but principal for survival element of controls. 6th law of inevitabilility: if you have two bandits on your six, one of them is faster than you, the other is more maneuverable. corollary: third bandit will income with significant excess of altitude. corollary from 1st law: if you see low and slow bandit, look around. you are probably in enemy's sight. corollary from 2nd law: in head-on attack, you either die, or loose some significant part of the aircraft you cannot fly without. corollary from 3rd law: you won't have time to bail out. theorem of --ab--: any plane can be an uberplane. corollary from --ab--'s theorem: if you are not --ab--, you are kamikaze. law of interceptor: the target will vanish into hyperspace from the sight when you finally decide to cease prowling and to push all triggers. addition to the law of interceptor: the bandit will reappear at your six, d2. 2nd law of interceptor: you will meet a dweeb when your guns empty. law of bomber: whatever field you choose to bomb, there always will be enemy fighters. 2nd law of bomber: your escort will forget the objective half-way. 3rd law of bomber: you will be downed just in front of the escort, but those dudes will head home without any motive to revenge. 4th law of bomber, theorem of color sensitivity of otto: if the interceptor is painted khaki, ottos won't hit it. 5th law of bomber: the port is defended by noone. the city is not defended only by fighters of your colour. addition of Deniskin: escort pilots that remember their objective won't take enough fuel, and turn back half-way with the others. head-on law: when both have engines killed after the head-on, the bandit will make it to the base, in contrast to you. 2nd law of head-on: if you think that fw missed in head-on, you are mistaking. due to occasional lag your wing will go one second later. law of herd: despite of your color is loosing the field after field, you always are fighting over enemy territory. corollary: no matter you try to reach your home, you will be captured. law of anti-airftaft fire: having flown over the big field, you wont get any hit. but have you crossed 110's way, his otto will bite off something from you. law of group: taking off a bit later, you will get to the melee just when all your mates are done. corollary: when you going down in flames, you'll hear "hold on, bro, i'm coming". law of maneuverability: when 110 will outturn your zero, you will understand what i'm talking about. law of map: when furball is over your field, you will be vulched, or the field will be closed. if furball is over enemy field, the nearest our airbase will be on maximal distance between close field this map has. theorem of excitement: your fuel will run out when you almost shout: "GOTCHA, DUDE!". 2nd theorem of excitement: after fantastic maneuvers you get at bandit's six to learn out that your run out of ammo 5 minutes ago. 3rd theorem of excitement: after chasing that 190, you overheat your engine, so you cannot escape enemy territory before five more 190s will come. law of shell-crater: shell-crater on the runway will always be below your engine. addition: if shell-crater is absent don't worry. you haven't took off yet. law of closed field: field will reopen when bus is incoming. addition: enemy bus will make it in time. 1st law of junkers: if your six is tightly covered by escort, you will be shot down from front. 2nd law of junkers: desand and wings leave your plane at the same moment. observation of junkers' salvo: duel of machine gun and a pair of hispanos, latter usually win. observation on spontaneous junkers formations: the number of attacking bandits is always equal to sum of escorting fighters and junkers', so there will be one not tied bandit to kill your junkers. law of load paradox: bombs armed are not enough either in number or calibre. corollary 1 : if bombs are enough, you will be shotdown before you drop'em. corollary 2 (law of combined load paradox): if you take both big and small bombs, you will forced to drop the last big bomb (usually 2000lb) on the last small-calibre anti-aircraft gun (7mm). corollary 3: you easily can reach the enemy field and get back with your fighter. but once you take the bombs on-board, you will be intercepted constantly half-way. law of error: if you missed to kill the last ack, your message about it will be ignored. so the last ack will finish all paratroopers dropped. law of inevitability of strategic bomber: all fighters have better climb rate. law of fury of zeus: if you spent an hour for climbing, avoiding bandits, target distribution, approach selection, all your bombs will go in vain into craters that low-flying kamikaze that is ignoring radiostation. corollary: next pass, while all your bombs are falling toward targets, all targets will be destroyed from attackers' guns. observation on friendly support: all six warnings you will get after being shot down. Deniskin's observation about heavy fighters: P-47 is much more maneuverable than you suppose. observation of painful death: hurricane-2C never kills you quickly. 1st law of killshooter: even having gunnery below 1%, you will put 9 of 10 shels into colormate from any distance. Boroda's addition: first shell will splash pilot's head. 1st law of bomber's inevitability: wherever you aim your bomb, the target will be shot by fighters 3 seconds earlier. 2nd law of bomber's inevitability: wherever you are heading, you are expected. 3rd law of bomber's inevitability: fuel is either too much, or too low. addition: or you'll get your tank hit. friendly fire axiom: friendly fire is always accurate. theorem of capt yossarian: ack fire is always accurate. corollary: friendly ack fire is twice accurate. MISCELLANEOUS ADDITIONAL JOKES: they say there are dweebo-masonian plot on freebeerds. they demand to turn on easy flight, and turn off icons. let's make a "night of long M4's" for them! the heaviest target to shot down is submarine. they fly very rare. worse than mountains could be only mountains in software graphics mode. new 'always' with winglets! now the wing load is decreased twice, and the maneuverability is improved. the plane that fallen, but quickly took off again is not counted as killed.
Last and most important Murphy's WB law is: If U meet a enemy, Murphy's WB law works only for (against) U, not for him!
And now the most absurdal Murphy's laws for WB: - the most effective weapon against fighters are bombers - the best A2A tactic on 2-seat fighter is turning your back towards enemy and flying straight - the safest place to land is enemy's airfield - otto kills are awarded for pilot - guns that were supposed to kill planes in WB can be only used for scaring enemy (and it even doesn't work any more!). - planes that were already obsolescent at the outbreak of WW2 (i16, i153) or were screwed up already on the drawind boards (p39d, p40b) in WB are the most popular fighters You see, this is not even funny...
lol! another law: if you run, you are a chicken if you turn, you are a quaky dweeb if you HO, you are a butcher if you buff, you are an ackstar if you BnZ, you are a vultcher if you use ACM, you are a warproller if you dont bail, you should have if you bail, you are a coward sigh, im gonna go join the army
Perhaps it was already enclosed, but: never forget, the CV is most likely to be captured just when you are going to land on it to earn your 100000pt sortie (yeah that 5 0's) (happened to me once ) never rule out the possibility that the map reset will occur just when you are going to land at a field, or even worse, just when your empty tank forces you to hit the home plate, and after 15 min of flight the war is won and you are apparently a gold going from gold territory into all red territory greetze, Zembla
Hehe Zembla how about landing your streak 70 and just when you're touching rwy with your wheels Aike enters arena and exclaims "sorry guys got to reset arena" and suddenly your field becomes red and all the acks start to shoot at you... Luckily there was that landing on nme field bug
