The one on the left is a military Box of Love Type 42, largely used by male members of Sibeerian Brigade starting from 1967, later replaced by more popular Type 43 (on the right) that had a small bird inside for extra sensation, softer feeling and warmth. In 2001 the project was suspended because of the increased number of cases of paraphimosis in the abovementioned squadron, caused by warping parts and too tight penis holders (especially in Type 42).
Invented by Sir Barnes-Wallace, a rich and famous English Jack-of-all-trades, Landowner and Salloon Wallah, the two incendiary pigeons pictured were taken in a specially fitted, long range Spitfire in a high speed flight to Ludwigshaven in 1940 and dropped on the dry docks there. Sir Barnes-Wallace, when interviewed near his death in 2004 at the age of 174 in a salloon in Hampshire on Honeypot: Q) Sir, what was the inspiration behind the 'incendiary pigeons' you had used during the bombing of Lugwigshaven in 1940? A) It was 1967, and they were dropped at fuckin Piccidilly, you daught little shit. WHO IS THIS GUY? Fred [Fred was the doorman at the sallon], Who is this man and who sent him here? [Fred explains that Sire Barnes sent for him, during a rampage earlier at about the time Sir Barns was still only nursing his forth quart of port]. A) Oh. A) ..... A) What was the question? Q) Sir, what was the inspiration behind the 'incendiary pigeons' you had used during the bombing of Lugwigshaven in 1940? A) I had fine memories of myself and a few other chaps, at boarding school, using a few mere ounces of gasolene on unlucky cats who came along. A burning cat runs right for home, don't you know? I thought, if a cat runs for home when alight, a pigeon would do the same thing, right? Q) Ummmmmm..... A) We couldn't very well use cats, old chap, could we? They can't fly and don't take to being dropped from airplanes. Q) You said they would fly home. Were these German Pigeons then? A) Of course not, you stupid embicile. We couldn't GET any, we were at war, remember? We had to use our own. There was a problem concerning, during, well, trials..... They would fly themselves bloody back to bloody England.... Fred, WHO IS THIS?! Q) [short interlude while Fred comes, again, and calms the old man down] A) What we ended out doing, was strapping a 2 pound incendiary device to a pigeon and dropping him from the plane with that, fused to go off on impact below. Q) Two pounds? Why, that is much too heavy, a little pigeon couldn't carry two pounds, he would just go straight down with the bomb! A) Of course, you damned fool! Of course. That was the whole POINT, see? The pigeon wouldn't make it back to England, see? He COULDN'T POSSIBLY! he would go down with the device, he would go where we bloody dropped him! Q) Why didn't you just do away with the pigeon altogether and just drop the incendiary device straight down? A) That was a later prototype, this was only the first stage in our programme....
I think that this is a trap to get "woodpeckers" and another kind of birds in the front of battle, you know ... when you are ungry ... alone ... just put that on the ground and wait for a bird... bep bep !
Well, this really looks like a pigeon inside the box. Thank you good people, you have my gratitude. Or somphing.
