Room mate served his notice to vacate. I can't afford this place by myself, so I got to move. I am fuckin too broke to rent a truck and a place and a helper fed pizza and beer and a quick fuckin' move, so am lookin' at some time in the bush, with time-out for a shower and shave at the rec centre every couple days and some time in the library, whil I am off work, once I have found work, I am not working, but I will soon. Sure. A hike to a road every morning to get to work, when I GET work, which I will but I haven't yet, been on the dole for couple months and lived off favours owed me before that... Jeezus. The fuckin' room mate of five years is bailing on me AGAIN. He did this before, in 1992. He has found a fat slut. This time he didn't find her in a beer-hall, he found her on Chat. She is gross, disgusting, argumentive and stupid. A perfect match for the guy. Anyway, the place I shared for five years is now soon without me in it. I got to go. Again. Like I said above, the bastard has done this before. Anyway, I sneak in here for a couple hours each day, do that which I have to do and then leave. Been sleeping away from here quite a bit lately. Today, the bastard and his whore are not here, so I am here packing my gear in preperation to make my get-away. In the five years I been here, I never made a peep. Never had a party. Never stomped anyone's head, with accompanying screams. Always been a good and quiet tennant. Well, today, I am tossing shit ruthlessly into the garbage bin outside the building (looks like I will soon fill it up too) and: I have 240 watts of Marantz SX1070 ( a 1970s Rock Monster Stereo Receiver), a pair of ALtec Lansing Nines (the Voice Of The Theatre) and a ten foot cord from my sound card to that stereo. The VU meters have not ducked below 50 watts in three hours. It's either this or a welcoming bash with a baseball bat on that fat ignorant bastard's head and a kick in his ugly whore's ass. LOUD TUNES are a cure for MANY complaints. What a fuckin' cocksucker that prick is. ( hey Stupid! You know who you are: This is written for fun. GO fuck yourself. Again, you know who you are )
what about a spoon... be creative with a spoon, I've heard it's very painful, another fun thing would be "paper cuts"... or... what about ... damn... odd, I'm without inspiration... maybe you could scalp him... or... poke him... ok, nevermind... <Z>
Something I once read about in a Stan Lem novel. Someone did something very VERY wrong and was given the following penalty: Tickled to death. (think about it)
Being tickled to death is an ancient method of torture, probably Chinese in origin. Just like "Death by a Thousand Cuts" (in which they make 10.000 really small cuts with a REALLY sharp knife. Eventually you die from shock or infection), "Water Torture" (Famous!) or that old pleasantry: "The Little Boats".... Imagine hanging naked in a small rowing boat or skiff, with another, exactly the same boat on top of you. Holes are cut in the hull of the top boat so your hands, feet and head are visible. These are tied to the outside of the top boat, so you're suspended by your wrists and ankles (painful!), then put in the shade on a fairly warm day. Temperature inside rises, and then they force-feed you a mix of grain, honey and oil through a funnel. Also, some of this is smeared on your face and other exposed parts. You get all the water you want.... and then some. And then they just leave you there, coming back once or twice a day to feed you some more. The honey-mixture attracts flies and other bugs that sting you all over. Also, that stuff passes through you quite easily. The crap mounts on the floor of the bottom boat and the more you eat, the larger the pile gets! So in a matter of days, you're sitting in a huge pile of your own excrement, which will be teaming with life by now. Maggots, flies, worms, other creatures..... And do you know what happens when you're in direct contact with faeces for a prolonged period? You turn into something resembling faeces yourself. So the bugs eat you alive, your skin melts because of the noxious nature of crap itself and within a week or two, your legs are gone, most of your intestines are gone and, in general, you're in a world of hurt. But you won't bleed out or die in another way (well, perhaps shock) untill the decay reaches your lungs or heart.... It can take up to three weeks before someone dies this way. Pretty damn funky way to go, eh?
i dread more the death by impaling (funny what kind of words you can find in the dictionary). maybe because ive read one-two pretty lively accounts on it. what is impaling? a well pointed wooden stick is set up on the the ground. the convicted is tied - hands and legs and he is put to sit on the stick and forced down slowly. the stick penetrates up his asshole and pierces his intestines. He may be left there screaming for days. The turks were merciful however - in the evening they finished him with a final push so the stick reaches the lungs.
My favorite is: Feed the guy nothing but cheddar cheese for a month. Think I am saying nonsense? Ever eat a kilogram of cheese in one sitting? Ever try to have a crap for the next week after doing that? The (soon to be EX) room mate is about one hundred pounds overwieght. He so fat, he shits retro. He is almost as fat as woolfee. He is so fat, he once got a back injury from rolling over on the beach. He does not dare go swimming around Norewegians. And stupid? Mixes cleaning liquids. One time, he is in the bathroom of his old place (I was helping him and his stupid slut of an ex wife fix the place up a bit): ammonia, pine sol, a splash of TSP and a half cup of chlorine bleach. I watched him doing it. And I asked him, "Hey, what ya doing?" And he said, I am making some, cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough." It is a whole other story how he had to get back into that place after staggering out the door. (I had bailed, disgusted. One afternoon, he ate 6 ears of boiled corn, a couple cheeseburgers and then sat down to drink 3 litres of La Scala Spumonte. Everything was fine, until LATER. One day (did I meantion he is fat?) he had not much food to eat and went to the store and got five pounds of suet and a bag of rice. Let me say: There is NOTHING you can do with rice and suet to make it fit for humans. Well the guy ate a bunch of whatever it was he cooked. Later, you could hear his pitiful groans from down the street. I don't have to torture him. I can rely on him killing himself one day, he will explode or spontaniously combust or mix a lethal batch of explosives while trying to make pancakes. Or he will eat uncooked oatmeal. Enjoy inhaling Helium and making children laugh at his voice and decide it would be a good idea to fill his house with it... Wash baked beans down with olive oil... Call a hells angels a fag. Eat two of Woolfie's "mystery pills." ...
Grobar: imagine being placed on a wooden block, shaped like a pyramid. Imagine having weights tied to your feet (50 KG each). Imagine having a 80 X 80 cm wooden pyramid puncturing your ass..... It won't kill ya, but it will make you wish it did! Biles: Tell the guy that Iodine crystals make a REALLY GOOD cleaning agent when mixed with Ammonia.... Presto! Ammonium-Triiodide, the MOST VOLATILE explosive in the world. It detonates when a fly lands on it...... Or for no cause at all!
I am almost out of there (I am there right now, writing the last of my internet messaging (for a while anyway). I am moving the stuff I have, after ruthlessly tossing a fucking SHITLOAD of stuff into the Big Orange Steel Container Hobos Look In). Was told the other day I should not leave my boxes in the living area, that I should have all my stuff packed in boxes in my bedroom. Which was entirely unreasonable, I am, after all, in the process of moving OUT of here, not IN. After refusing and being screamed at and threatened for a while, I quietly packed all my dishes, silverware, cooking pots, television, stereo, lighting, dining room table, shelves, swag lamps paintings on the walls, my drapes, my curtains, my tapesties, my rugs, and left the boxes in the living area. There is now, no need for those two idiots to have a living area, as all the stuff that was IN the living area was mine anyway. I keep finding reasons why I SO DISLIKE sluts. What the hell is so special about getting your [deleted] [deleted]ed by a big fat [deleted] and shoving it way up [deleted] [and she swallows too]? I don't get it. THAT is SO special that it can end twenty year friendships?
Beware the cunt, Biles. Fear the cunt. Cunt is evil incarnate. Men kill, betray and lie for cunt. Cunt is the most depraved, dispicable, vile thing imaginable, yet still 90% of us love them (I don't want to talk about what the other 10 % do). A man will crawl through a desert of broken glass and swim through a river of snot and pus if he believes he can get laid on the other side! Not me of course. I am perfectly aware that no one likes me or gets aroused by me.
