Know Portuguese! (tasteless donґt read)

Okay, here comes a shitlist of Dutch insults. I've taken the liberty to turn this post into a complete "Idiot's guide to swearing in Dutch"

Lemme see?. In Dutch, swearing is considered a form of art. Compare it to "dissing" in the USA if you will, or the way the Klingons in Star Trek insult eachother. Someone who's good at making up insults gets a lot of respect (and broken bones) here in Holland. I love this country!

Like I said, the Dutch way of swearing differs from most countries. Looking at for instance Anglo-Saxon insults, excrement, sex and other bodily issues are a re-occuring theme, e.g. "Shit", "Piss", "Cunt", "Fart", "Cocksucker", "Motherfucker" (guess where I took this list from?). In Dutch, we're quite fond of using diseases, divine intervention and racial/ethnical minorities instead.

Swearing being an form of art in the NL does not mean we're sensitive or poetical in using them. That way of swearing is usually reserved for Japanese, who are famous for their intricate social structure and complexity of their language. In Japan, insults are not as much proclaimed as well as insinuated, for example by being blunt or not using the rules of etiquette.

So? What makes Dutch such a good language for swearing? First of all, our language. Like Malino once said; hearing two Dutchmen talk to eachother sounds like two toilets flushing in unison. Our language combines the overall loudness of German and the guttural qualities of Arabic. In all, Klingon and Dutch have a lot in common! In WWII, the Dutch resistance had a great way of seperating German infiltrators from real partisans. They made them repeat the words "Scheveningse Garnalenvisser", which no person in their right mind (save us Dutchmen) can say without ripping his vocal cords. If the pronounciation was wrong?. Well, the suspected German would end up 6 feet under. Tough shit, or as we'd say in Dutch: "Vette pech, pismuil!"

So, insults. Dutch swearing is composed of combinations, mostly. One could just say "Lul" (meaning "cock") to a guy you dislike, but that could be seen as a bit childish, not strong enough by a long shot. "Vuile lul" (meaning "Dirty cock") is a bit better, yet still not good enough. "Vieze vuile gore grafkankerlul!" (meaning: "Dirty Rotten Filthy Grave-Cancer Cock") is a lot more like it. Note that actual grammatic or syntaxic (?) correctness is deemed unnecessary. It should just "sound right".

So, here's some good words to start with. All words are translated literally, but most aren't used in the literal context. Do distinguish these, "Actual" means literally and "Descriptive" means "a real insult". Compare it to "Cunt", which can mean either a vagina (Actual) and an annoying person (descriptive), or "bitch", which can mean a female dog or a rude woman?

Dutch - English

Lul Cock (actual, descriptive)
Pik Cock (Actual, descriptive. Mostly a "friendly" insult)
Snikkel Cock (only actual)
Eikel Glans, tip of the penis. (Actual and descriptive)
Klootzak Nutsack (descriptive)
Kut Cunt (actual, descripitve)
Doos Cunt, (descriptive for a naive or dumb girl. Not too bad)
Trut Cunt (only descriptive, "bitch")
Teef Bitch, female dog (mostly descriptive)
Godverdomme Goddamned, used in the same way as "SHIT! My leg!"
Homo Obvious! Used both descriptive and actual. NOT an insult when used actually!
Poot Gay man. Deregoratory term
Nicht Idem
Flikker Idem

These are the basics. We use a lot of combinations, which then form complete words. Here are some words that can be placed in front of any of the "Basic insults"

Kanker - Cancer
Tering - TBC
Tyfus - Typhoid
Pest - Bubonic plague, not too bad an insult
Pokke - Pox, also not very rude
Pleuris - Pneumonic plague. (note: also used by itself in the sentence "De pleuris breekt uit", which literally means "The Pneumonic plague breaks out". This means that all hell is breaking loose)
Graf - Grave, tomb.
Takke - Literally "Branches" or "Twigs". No one knows how this became an insult. I presume it resembles another illness?.

All these can be combined, for instance "Teringtyfustakketrut", (which happens to be a single by the popular Dutch punk-band "De Heideroosjes") or "grafkankerlul"

So, what more do I have to say? Well, so far we've only considered the single words. In dutch, an insult isn't an insult unless you manage to compose an entire sentence! For this, you'll need a firm grasp of Dutch grammar (which is hard, to say the least), but I'll give you some examples to use in the Arena.

When someone steals your kill:
"Godverdomme! Dat was mijn kill, gore klootzak!"

When you're vulched:
"Kankerlul! Moet je hierheen komen, dan neuk ik je net zo lang in reet tot je petroleum pist!"

When you're chute-killed:
"Teringflikker! Mietje! Nicht! Homo!"

When your target warps away:
"Jezus Christus! Verhuur je vriendin en koop van de opbrengst een echt computer, bokkelul!"

When Gsiba calls you a bastard for the upteenth time:
"Hou toch je bek, rotmongool! Ik had je Pa kunnen wezen als je moeder niet zo had gestonken!"

Literal translation follow later. If you like, I could add some sound-clips!

 

Re: Know Portuguese! (tasteless donґt read)

LOL sebbo!

 

Re: Know Portuguese! (tasteless donґt read)

Hey fucketeer, can't you leave the dead threads in peace? "De Mortiis Nisi Nunquam Bono", or something like that

 

Re: Know Portuguese! (tasteless donґt read)

LOL, but that would be common sense. Are you sure?