I had a heart attack on Christmas morning, YEAH, THIS Christmas

Discussion in 'Off Topic International' started by hezey, Dec 31, 2015.

  1. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

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    I heard from My Old Mum, that a Boy Child was born, out of my niece and her husband. Christmas Eve.
    There are not many Male Descendants of Hezey and Hezey's sisters. One, he is mine.
    Family gatherings smell bad, they smell like TOO MANY FUCKIN WOMEN HERE, you know the smell right?
    WHERE ARE THE MEN?
    Well, now there is a new one.
    I am thrilled.
    PERFECT
    A Christmas Baby Boy? What could be better?
    NOTHING is better than that.
    What could be worse?
    Great Unkle Hezey dying 12 hours later!

    Went for a walk after midnight, I have always liked to walk at night, when no one is around to bug me, no cars whizzing by, all those focused people, trying to grab the brass ring...... grasping, busy busy people, not taking time to stop and look around.
    I was going by a favorite park, trails in back of it. I heard a police radio in back of it, by the bushes.Again and again, but funny thing is it was a recording, pops, snaps, hissing, all replaying, intermittently. A recorded message coming from a walkie talkie???, thought I?
    No, I was having a audible hallucination.
    Hmm, thought I, should I go home?
    NAH, just walk it off, man, walk it off already! ...Signs I wasn't thinking right, eh? How stupid is that? Just walk it off, man, hallucinating? Oh, walk on. It will stop
    It did stop. But down the road a way, I saw flashing of lights, light headlights behind me. No one was behind me.
    I started to feel funny, my legs steered me the wrong way, I could not walk a straight line. I thought, Just sit down for a spell, Hezz.
    I sat down and stayed there for two hours, I couldn't get up, I tried.
    After an eternity, I start to barf. I barfed until empty, and barfed some more, very familiar, it was like that when I had my first heart attack, which I remember. Confusion, weakness and barfing. CLASSIC heart attack symptoms. OH, I was on top of things by then, I knew what was happening, but what to do about it? Well, lets see [each thought took five minutes just for it to get from my ass to my head and vice versa....
    AHA, I thought slowly, like I was in warm corn syrup......., I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!
    See, I have been there and done that before, see? Twice.
    But I don't recall audio hallucinations accompanied by visual.
    AHA, I thought, I AM HAVING STROKE!
    But I don't recall seeing things last time.

    Well, stupid, you are thinking wrong, you idiot, you are very sick, stop trying to reason with yourself, PHONE 911.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    How? I don't have a phone! Thought I.

    I got my flashlight out, it took ages to figure out how to get my flashlight out, and then how to turn it on, It was then I thought, OH MAN YOU ARE VERY SICK, HEZZ! YOU NEED HELP GOOD THING YOU HAVE YER FLASHLIGHT, WAVE IT AROUND.
    I waved it around three cars came by about a quarter mile away. I guess no one saw me or my flashlight beam. 3:AM Christmas Morning by them, I was getting cold, I knew I was hypothermia because I wasn't feeling so terrible, I was gettig content, thinking about dying.
    Yeah classic hypothermia thinking. JUST LAY DOWN, GO TO SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP Hezy, GO TO SLEEEEP. RESSSSSST. REST.

    TO BE CONTINUED. this is hard to write.
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2015
  2. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

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  3. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

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    Reason to live!
    [​IMG]
    GOD DAMIT IT, just ignore it, it is a hallucination!
    ......
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    Oky errrrm:

    [​IMG]


    So that is what I did. I didn't really LAY down but I did not want to puke all over myself, and thought it best, to kinda roll a bit, over that way, so the stream of my barf would not coat me with barf.
    Then I sat back up, leaning on the post. And then I carefully leaned over and barfed some more, lots more. Strange, the barf was, well, not normal, you know, normal barfing is, well, barf for a bit, heave a bit more, and then feel better, almost, uh refreshed. Well, I didn't feel refreshed. Even sitting up, I got dizzy, OH MAN. If I laid down, like I was thinking, you know, JUST LAY DOWN YOU WILL FEEL BETTER IN A FEW MINUTES, well, that is stinking thinking, and I knew it.

    I must say, the heart attack I had, was very mild, similar to the one I had first time, years back, the one I just felt terrible from and slept.... recall, I had two, one, a little one, called a quiet heart attack, and the next one, a KILLER. I didn't die, of course, but I had a little one and a big one, this one was little. I imagine, a little lump of Arterial Plaque shifted and zapped yet another bit of my heart muscle.

    Well, I was hunched over, trying to stay warm. I knew I could not get up. I had tried. I had to call 911, or someone had to see me there and do it for me.
    It did not happen.
    WAIT, I thought, what were you doing earlier? Well, I was playing Ingress game. Uh, my almost drunk-feeling mind, coughed up a jewel: THAT ANDROID IS A CELL PHONE, STUPID! Okay, then, I had to find out how to get it from my pocket to my hand, not an easy task, becuase I was falling apart.
    I don't know how long it took me to get the thing from my pocket into my hand, then I was staring at it, I could not understand what all those pictures on it were. OH FUCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
    Wait, my girlfriend and I had tried, for fun, the Hey Google command, say HEY GOOGLE and the phone replies with a little microphone picture. What to do with that? I thought. I backed out with the BACK OUT OF THIS button, and I said, HEY GOOGLE: CALL 911. in a few seconds there was a tiny voice, 911, do you need assistance? or something like that...
    The rescue guy at 911 call center had me keep talking while the cops and ambulance tried to find me, I help them, because I knew I was near a lawn bowling club and their ain't many of those...... My voice was slurred, like I was drink. BUT I WAS STONE COLD SOBER. Mac don't tell me a toke 8 hours earlier was affecting my voice.
    My speech was slurred. I think it was because I was hunched over, tired out, hypothermia and blood flow in brain was affected because of arrhythmia. I didn't think that then, I just thought, WOW WHY AM I TALKING FUNNY????????
    Soon, the rescue guys came. I had a fun ride to the hospital, I will skip the details, except to say, I had never been in an ambulance while AWAKE, before, so I was mildly interested. I was cold, and the paramedic gave me a blanket, and I fell into a dream.
    It was like a fucking drug trip.
    All sorts of activity around me, lots of people saving me, I really felt good, about that. I started to cry.
    A woman said, Mr Hezzy, why are you crying, or maybe I just imagined it, because everything was like a dream.
    I said, or dreamt I said, It is Christmas and I have a new nephew and if I die it is gonna fuck my family up SO BAD!!!!!!
    Oh, I don;t think it was a dream, because she said something re-assuring, something like: Let's not worry about your family, let's worry about you, okay?
    The carted me into someplace where some other people were dying, I think. An old guy groaning on one side, and someone not saying anything on the other, and LOTS of fuss being made about him or her. I fiugered, well, I ain't gonna die, becuase if I was, there would be a HUGE fuss around me, like for that poor slop, next to me.
    I want to sleep.
    I can't sleep when there is stuff happening around me. But I slept.
    I was awaken a couple times, when a hospital staff stuck things into my arm, before me getting stuck, I would here, Mr Hezzey, I am putting a needle in you. Another voice, later, Mr Hezzey, I am going to stick some [I don't know what they called] on your chest.
    I like Filipino girls, and especially their mothers. So I felt good.
    Back to sleep. Beep Beep BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP, beep..... .... beep. BEEPBEEPBEEP. Beep beep...................... bip bip. Arrhythmia, I could hear it.

    Back to sleep. I should have not been sleeping because there was activity around me. But I did. And the way I sleep, at nap-time is and always was, to cross one hand over the other, on my chest, like a dead guy. HA, that must have looked great, a guy content to die....
    Mr Hezzey, I am dr [I don't remember, But I bet he was emergency trauma surgeon on duty. I don't know if they have a cardiologist in a little hospital, I think he was some other kind of doctor, but he was the guy in charge, I think, Never mind, he was not Lucy. Who is Lucy? Wait, it's coming....
    I felt a tap on my foot, scared the shit out of me, and looked up to see Marilyn Fuckin Monroe Nurse. Lucy, a cardiac nurse. Blonde, gorgeous ad a little red Rudolph nose, and floppy antlers. She told me what was up. I am going to go home, she said, but you have to promise me that you will see your medical doctor ASAP. I would have promised her my farm. I loved her.
    I had had a mild cardiac infarction, need to go home get rest, phone the medical doctor, set up an appointment [PROMISE ME, Mr Hezzey! YES, Lucy, I love you too!]
    During all the dream, I had two meals, so how long was I there? I don't know. I was set free having lost something like 12 hours.
    Anyway, I said to Lucy, you gonna let me go home? After a heart attack? She said, yes, don't make it worse. Someone else wants to see you before you go.


    NURCE without nurse uniform came and started talking real nice to me. I said to her: I am not getting out of here until you say I can right? She said, I am afraid so. I said SO, the wizards didn't tell you I had a heart attack?
    She said I know you did, Mr Hezzey.
    I said SO WHY AM I NEEDING PERMISSION FROM A PSYCHIATRIC NURSE IN ORDER TO GO HOME?
    [Oh man, don't ever piss off a psychiatric guesser because they tie you up, dope you up and lock you up and then zap you, seriously zap you, Lock you up wiout a criminal charge, you better fear those people. I knew I had to keep my cool, and get her off my caase... and stay a free man - HOW? You cannot win, not against those people, the Church Of Psychiatry. SO, how could I fool her into believing me, that I AM NOT CRAZY!!!!!!!????????]


    To be continued [this is still hard to write]
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2016
  4. looseleaf

    looseleaf Well-Known Member

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    You are the Hunter S. Thompson of this forum Hez......

    Keep on writing !!!

    AND living !!!!!!!


    AND some nitroglycerin pills handy....... !!!!!!!
     
  5. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    British Columbia, Canada
    [​IMG]

    It is still here?
    GOD DAMN IT, just ignore it. Leftover hallucination... A flashback, kinda.....

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Hunter S. Thompson"
    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL


    Nitroglycerin is symptom treatment for angina pectoris, it is no cure for a heart attack, or a coming heart attack, but it DOES bring on a headache that makes the 'tightness' in one's chest seem like nothin'. Well, I thought, after enduring that shit a couple times [note, the aerosol version is NOT an inhalant] I thought, FUCK THIS, if I wanted the same affect all I have to do is give myself a good kick in the head, and the effect would be the same, Heart Pain? HERE LET ME GIVE YOU A GOOD KICK, so, Mr hezzey, how you feelin now? Chest pain bothering you anymore?
    That wasn't the first pharma recipe I rejected, but at least it was after Mum had hired a lawyer for me, so I could actually say NO to any treatment. Without fear of being taken away and tied to a bed. Yes, they do that, you are not a patient, in a hospital, you are a meal ticket.
    The guy who replied in a relevant thread here, replied with a riddle [Russians and their fuckin' habit of answering any question with another question GRRRRRR]... uh, ignore him. I will try to, if you promise me not to tell him, as he might not like it....... NO, WAIT, he is a man, right? Maybe he can take it, but I don't wanna respond to riddles as interjection into a serious talking session, in any meeting I hold, he would be thrown out.
    Uh, what was I saying?
    Yeah, nitroglycerin no cure, is symptom treatment, and I know all about symptom treatment, if you are a real man, get over it, try breathing slowly, thinking nice things, or kick YOURSELF IN THE HEAD, at least a kick in the head by my own foot- yes, I can reach my own head with my foot, beware, don't piss hezey off, people, he can kick himself in the head! Will distract from the relatively tiny pain that is angina.......
    I am willing to take ONE drug of all the drugs those guess-making, symptom treatment assholes offered, and that is ASA.
    So I don't get a blood clot immediately while having a stroke.
    I wonder if Ambiguous Russian who replied to the wrong thread, above, got what I mean, his riddle was something like: You rejected your meds? You don't like The Free Potatoe Soup?... or something.
    Well, fuck him. I read ENGLISH and I read LOTS. I know what's up as good as any interjecting fool, who would be kicked out of a serious conversation, like this one is.........
    I am still not finished the story [I think this is the right thread, right?]
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016
  6. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

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    Come see me at my G+ thing.
    It is moslty Ingress Game related stuff, if you nice, and don't insult me too much, I will invite you to look at the Deadly Serious G+ page, of mine*

    *what is serious? Well, okay, as serious as Hezekiah Biles can be.....
    Think about 'Stuff rushin up me glutchpipe'
    Yeah, serious G+
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016