La Charcuterie Delicatessen, AKA The Sandwich Nazi

Discussion in 'Off Topic International' started by hezzey, Feb 26, 2018.

  1. hezzey

    hezzey Member

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    I heard about this place from someone else, I don't make this shit up [sorry Mac]
    I invited Fuzzy, my Neighbor, she is fucking crazy, I made a mistake now she thinks she loves me. After I made the mistake, I started to act like my normal self, but I didn't shake her off, FUCK, I should have known, she is Catholic. If ya bang a crazy Catholic, middle aged, falling apart, booze head, crazy woman, some reason she still thinks she is worth something, and if you jump her, she has ya. She doesn't have me, I pity her. Ever been in that situation? Another crazy broad I know, told me it is a thing called pity-fuck.
    Yeah

    Never mind.
    We hopped on a buss, and I had to listen to her, she tried listening to me, but fails, all the time, because their are fairies flying around in front of her, and she keeps bringing Queen Elizabeth [both of em, they are interchangeable to her] into the conversation, trying to pretend she is listening.
    I would say, LOOK, a fucking Maserati, Holy shit! See it?
    And she would say, Oh, Queen Elizabith has one of those!
    I would say, those fucking Vancouver Canucks have lost another defenceman to AIDS! And she would say, So did Queen Elizabeth!
    WHAT? Shut up about that bullshit, Cathy, don't you have anything else to say, is everything in your head about the Queens Elisabeth?
    So, she crossed her eyes for a minute, and one of here ears was wigglin and she said, Tom Sayer, he got AIDS one time too.
    Tom Sawyer is another of her Acute schizoid repetitive onset of something syndrome 'symptoms.'
    Oh, I told you one time, that this Masonic Lodge I am living in has a bunch of crazies, right? Crazies in BC go to The Masonic Lodge Charity [Cheap] Housing.
    I am stuck with her. She isn't poor, like me, she is nuts, and nuts get to stay in The Lodge's charity housing too, seein as the Freemasons have Special Ovens, here, for the tennants. Nevermind.....

    I told her she is coming for a treat, she has a LOT of money, inheritance, and she says, Take me with you, anywhere, I am lonely, I am rich I have lots of money, i just have to go to my legal trusty, and tell her i have a date, and she will give me some. I said, how much? And she said, it depends, you want to go to Camboadia with me? [HELL NO]. I don't have a passport, how about Surrey City for a dream Sandwich? She said, okay, we get some drinks too. I said I don't want to go to a pub, I don't like pubs [I am lying, I just don't want to be in a pub with her, she is liable to say something reaaaaly stupid, and I would get in trouble that I don't need, drinking in a pub with her]. How about you score some booze and we go get lodead at home? She said, My place or yours? I said you place [I have bedbugs STILL].
    She licked her lips, which isn't as wonderful or provocative as you might think, you shoulds see her.......
    I don't ask her why she doesn't just get her money herself, it is complicated, do you know anyone who is crazy, the certified kind?

    I was tryin to be nice, sometimes I can succeed. But other times, I bark at her, SHUT UP ABOUT QUEEN ELIZABETH!
    WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH TOM SAWYER?????
    She has a handful of things, it seems she is always thinkin about, but I don't want to list them, you get an idea, right?

    Part two coming up, I have my [deleted] warmed up, I be back in about an hour. Or maybe ten munutes [it depends, I am - I think - 60 now]
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2018
  2. hezzey

    hezzey Member

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    Its this place: I have more to say, don't worry, mac, you might laugh.
    [​IMG]
     
  3. hezzey

    hezzey Member

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    Feeds four people or two pigs
     
  4. hezzey

    hezzey Member

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    I don't feel like giving too much details.
    She couldn't eat the sandwich. She couldn't eat her half, that is. I mean, oh, she wouldn't.
    She wouldn't either, didn't even try, so why did we go to the place with the best hero Sandwiches On Earth?
    I needed a [I don't remember] motor for my [never mind] and I am a believer in never going to a place for one reason, I need more than one reason to travel to a place. The motor could be got in a shop very close to where a sandwich could be got.
    Well, we were gonna sit down and chow down there, the place is nice enough, and The Sandwich Nazi, who is a hillarious guy from, I think Syria. He told me when I first went there, but I forget, he is from a land where Arabic is spoken, that is all beaten ground now, name one.....
    Well, I was hoping he would baffle the shit out of Fuzzy and distract her so she would drive someone else crazy, instead of me bein the only one near who she drivin crazy, I mean
    ...
    Well, we took the box, with the motor and a bag with the Sandwich and went to her place, where she showed me something I never though of, even, and maybe a reason for me to pay better attention to her, I mean, maybe even be nice sometimes.
    She couldn't eat the sandwich, why not?
    She has dentures.

    Not always.
     
    looseleaf likes this.
  5. looseleaf

    looseleaf Well-Known Member

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    How did I miss this story!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!