La Charcuterie Delicatessen, AKA The Sandwich Nazi

Discussion in 'Off Topic International' started by hezzey, Feb 26, 2018.

  1. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    I heard about this place from someone else, I don't make this shit up [sorry Mac]
    I invited Fuzzy, my Neighbor, she is fucking crazy, I made a mistake now she thinks she loves me. After I made the mistake, I started to act like my normal self, but I didn't shake her off, FUCK, I should have known, she is Catholic. If ya bang a crazy Catholic, middle aged, falling apart, booze head, crazy woman, some reason she still thinks she is worth something, and if you jump her, she has ya. She doesn't have me, I pity her. Ever been in that situation? Another crazy broad I know, told me it is a thing called pity-fuck.
    Yeah

    Never mind.
    We hopped on a buss, and I had to listen to her, she tried listening to me, but fails, all the time, because their are fairies flying around in front of her, and she keeps bringing Queen Elizabeth [both of em, they are interchangeable to her] into the conversation, trying to pretend she is listening.
    I would say, LOOK, a fucking Maserati, Holy shit! See it?
    And she would say, Oh, Queen Elizabith has one of those!
    I would say, those fucking Vancouver Canucks have lost another defenceman to AIDS! And she would say, So did Queen Elizabeth!
    WHAT? Shut up about that bullshit, Cathy, don't you have anything else to say, is everything in your head about the Queens Elisabeth?
    So, she crossed her eyes for a minute, and one of here ears was wigglin and she said, Tom Sayer, he got AIDS one time too.
    Tom Sawyer is another of her Acute schizoid repetitive onset of something syndrome 'symptoms.'
    Oh, I told you one time, that this Masonic Lodge I am living in has a bunch of crazies, right? Crazies in BC go to The Masonic Lodge Charity [Cheap] Housing.
    I am stuck with her. She isn't poor, like me, she is nuts, and nuts get to stay in The Lodge's charity housing too, seein as the Freemasons have Special Ovens, here, for the tennants. Nevermind.....

    I told her she is coming for a treat, she has a LOT of money, inheritance, and she says, Take me with you, anywhere, I am lonely, I am rich I have lots of money, i just have to go to my legal trusty, and tell her i have a date, and she will give me some. I said, how much? And she said, it depends, you want to go to Camboadia with me? [HELL NO]. I don't have a passport, how about Surrey City for a dream Sandwich? She said, okay, we get some drinks too. I said I don't want to go to a pub, I don't like pubs [I am lying, I just don't want to be in a pub with her, she is liable to say something reaaaaly stupid, and I would get in trouble that I don't need, drinking in a pub with her]. How about you score some booze and we go get lodead at home? She said, My place or yours? I said you place [I have bedbugs STILL].
    She licked her lips, which isn't as wonderful or provocative as you might think, you shoulds see her.......
    I don't ask her why she doesn't just get her money herself, it is complicated, do you know anyone who is crazy, the certified kind?

    I was tryin to be nice, sometimes I can succeed. But other times, I bark at her, SHUT UP ABOUT QUEEN ELIZABETH!
    WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH TOM SAWYER?????
    She has a handful of things, it seems she is always thinkin about, but I don't want to list them, you get an idea, right?

    Part two coming up, I have my [deleted] warmed up, I be back in about an hour. Or maybe ten munutes [it depends, I am - I think - 60 now]
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2018
  2. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    Its this place: I have more to say, don't worry, mac, you might laugh.
    [​IMG]
     
  3. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    Feeds four people or two pigs
     
  4. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    I don't feel like giving too much details.
    She couldn't eat the sandwich. She couldn't eat her half, that is. I mean, oh, she wouldn't.
    She wouldn't either, didn't even try, so why did we go to the place with the best hero Sandwiches On Earth?
    I needed a [I don't remember] motor for my [never mind] and I am a believer in never going to a place for one reason, I need more than one reason to travel to a place. The motor could be got in a shop very close to where a sandwich could be got.
    Well, we were gonna sit down and chow down there, the place is nice enough, and The Sandwich Nazi, who is a hillarious guy from, I think Syria. He told me when I first went there, but I forget, he is from a land where Arabic is spoken, that is all beaten ground now, name one.....
    Well, I was hoping he would baffle the shit out of Fuzzy and distract her so she would drive someone else crazy, instead of me bein the only one near who she drivin crazy, I mean
    ...
    Well, we took the box, with the motor and a bag with the Sandwich and went to her place, where she showed me something I never though of, even, and maybe a reason for me to pay better attention to her, I mean, maybe even be nice sometimes.
    She couldn't eat the sandwich, why not?
    She has dentures.

    Not always.
     
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  5. looseleaf

    looseleaf Well-Known Member

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    How did I miss this story!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
     
  6. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    One fuckin day, you gonna have a squirt of pink blood and some sort of bile from a wretch brought on by me, from remote.
    You will be found, later. No-one will know what was in yer head the second you had yer thing, you went poof. I mean, you will go poof, and nobody will know what you were thinking, see?
    Sometimes it is sort of obvious what a guy was thinkin, at the moment he croaked, see?
    And sometimes, well, no-one ever knows, see?
    Well, when you fall and stay down, you gonna be like that, see?
     
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  7. looseleaf

    looseleaf Well-Known Member

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    Well Sir, the pink squirt would be not as bad as the dark red squirt but not as pleasant as the [deleted] squirt....
     
  8. looseleaf

    looseleaf Well-Known Member

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    Can it be possible that it's been a year since we heard anything from Hezzy?????
     
  9. -frog-

    -frog- Well-Known Member

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    Maybe he caught that thrill of toothless cocksucking fairy, and is now lost for the better half of mankind?
     
  10. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    Someone can find [found] one of my old usernames, AND DID. And I still have that Email Address accessible [just because of the people in FHWB!!].
    Am getting old now, and bored as hell, nothing is fun anymore, not even beer :(
    After trying more [better] Air Combat Flight Sims I have concluded that they are not better, just more bells and whistles. I am willing to fly a buff/JU52/Goony-Bird in a flight sim I don't need a Up-To-Date PC for.
    Caught a thrill? No, I haven't, in fact, most of the New Stuff I have discovered is not worth a pinch of coon shit and is no thrill. My granddad had his driver's licences taken by the cops, when he tried to do a U Turn on a Busy Highway, he never understood what he did wrong, because it was Just Fine to do a U-Turn on that highway, in 1920.......
    I fear I am like that now, in so many ways.
     
  11. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    Still living. I don't care about stuff like I used to, am now warehoused in a Home and am keeping busy by, oh, I am not keeping busy.
    I really dislike the pounding in my chest cavity what I get excited/crazed and now-a-days, plan ahead so I don't get that. Using that effing Snoopy made my heart pound......
    That is very real, I try to avoid the heart pounding when I can.
    I still love the memory of my warplanes habit, from when I was a boy, and I can rely on my muscle memory, as long as the stuff I have to do is old stuff, stuff I already learned. Yep, old people don't learn as well as they used to. I am sure you know...
    I am willing to try the NEW WB if only I can say hi to old FH people. I tried the WB 20xx thing and I hated it, was pointless, same old same old, again and again, and my reactions were about as bad as they were in The Old Days, I was a good pilot, but not a good fighter pilot.
     
  12. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    I dress like a hobo.
    I am clean, I have a home, I eat three meals a day, I can afford smokes, and beer, I don't beg, I don't dig in trash, I always have enough money for a cab or a buss ticket. I am doing fine.
    BUT I dress like a ageing man who doesn't give a shit about that stuff.
    The little restaurant not far from me, has a management that is charitable, it is company policy for their staff [I read about that in a local newspaper], when someone looks poor, add some stuff to their dinner without charging them for it.
    I think that is just fine, it is very good when a business is charitable.
    About 2/3 of the time I go to that restaurant, my $5.00 hamburger becomes Deluxe hamburger, fries and gravy, a milk shake, a slice of pie. This has happened to me many times. I have gone to the counter and said, Look, I know what you did, I can afford all my meals, I don't need charity, please don't do this, please, instead, provide for someone who really needs it.
    And the helper behind the counter will say, it is too late, we already did it... take it, eat it, enjoy it, and have a good day.
    They are, in the staff of workers there, just teenagers mostly, and they do not recognise me. I am a regular customer, a almost-neighbour, I am just an Old Hobo to them, and they are doing what their boss told them they should. I don't argue anymore, I accept the gift, eat it all and enjoy it, and then a week or two later, I get more of that.
    I don't take advantage of that, I eat at lots of cafes and restaurants, and don't expect any handouts, I would never ask.
    .
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    And I have extra heroin money!!!!
    [joke!]
     
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  13. Mcloud

    Mcloud Well-Known Member

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    Well Hez it's nice to see you are still alive. I'm not kidding about that bud. I know two guys that just about got killed by heart attacks, one is 49, the other is 53. Both had to be cut open and stents or whatever put in. They had to switch to a "Mediterranean diet" Mediterranean diets don't work so good when your hungry and have to go to work at 7 am in January (-28C). I didn't have a haircut for 3.5 years, and I looked pretty damn screwed up. I was getting mail from the scott mission, and it wasn't junk mail. It was addressed to me. 2 weeks ago I got a haircut. girl who did it was hot. it's really strange how people will say, "hey, are you ok? I mean mentally.." why didn't they ask that when I looked like a homeless guy?
    oh yeah, dress like hell and you get a discount on food. I have a very beat up brown duck coat, that was really in bad shape. Same one I was wearing when I got arrested under the mental health act. (I don't have a criminal record) I would wear it to get fish and chips. park my car waaaay around the corner, walk to the shop. always would ask "umm how much is it without fries" the whole poverty show.
    Anyways, enough about me.
    https://cleanflow.net/products/work...MIgpSD5eSk5AIVPf_jBx0FMQJUEAQYAyABEgJcEvD_BwE
    I drink lone star beer now 2 bucks a can at the lcbo.
     
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  14. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    Jesus that was hard to read. OH, it is written well, but the story is hard to take.

    Thirty years ago, until 12 yrs ago, I had eight good years in there, made some decent money, clocked in LOTS of overtime, then got sick at the end, just in time for me to get qualified for the Retired Steelworkers Pension!!!! It was a bribe, shut up and get lost, pal]:
    My hard times, the mental issues, the poverty, the sad job situation, the divorce and child custody circus, being sucked in by the Brain Disorder Con Artists, and all the rest of the stuff that was getting me down, all stopped, as if by a miracle! All I had to do was have a couple simultaneous and at the same time, heart attacks and a couple stokes in my brain and my _inborn ability to move both my eyes independently_, oh yeah, Big Brother Now Gonna Set this Guy up for life, warehouse him in Cheap Housing, give him medical dental, eye care, even foot massages now, because Worker's Compensation says he can't go to work. WTF?
    Amazing. SO, I can't run across a street even, else I might die, and that is all I had to do to end my other problems, from before my heart attacked me, So, I can't even fart without a little Filipino Nurse/Nannie/Cleaning Lady opening my door, carrying a pukeshit container.
    One time I showed her my deleted standing proud, by mistake of course. She rushed to me with a watered washcloth, was delighted, imagining she had captured a rich old almost-dead guy... all Filipino Nurse/Nannie/Cleaning Lady's dream of that. I didn't work out, she discovered I have little money. Now she washes dishes and floors in the cafeteria, still on the prowl for her Mr GoodBar..


    Heil Canada
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2019
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  15. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    Fucking twisted humour
     
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  16. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    A couple years back I bought a couple Apple[TM] things, _On A Plan_. I have just completed all payments and now can re-adjust my monthly budget.
    Two years ago, when I signed up for that loan, I had determined that If I Wanted the Apple[TM] stuff, I either had to take beer OUT of my budget, or Pot. Each week I buy me a bit of pot, OR a case [or two ;) } of GOOD beer. I love beer. I love pot too.
    When I get some pot, I smoke one joint after another until it is all gone, and then I wait 3 or 4 days 'till the week is ended, before I can buy some more.
    With beer, it is about the same, that case or two lasts about the same amount of time, but each morning for four morning of that week, I feel like I have bugs on me and ten K of Uncooked Outmeal inside my belly [YUCK].
    It wasn't hard to decide which of my weekly joys to drop, in order to afford the other.
     
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  17. mcgru-

    mcgru- Well-Known Member

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    Place a little closed slotted basket or transparent box somewhere in that cafe and each time they give you a gift - just put 5 dollars into that basket/box... ;)

    [​IMG]
     
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  18. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    Every day, it is a duty. ALL of us should give alms. Everyone who learned to read and think, and that is most of us, knows Mankind's simple rules, we might not know the advanced rules, but we all know the simple ones.
    1: Give Alms To The Poor
    Those little boxes, in shops and restaurants and stuff. are good, they are convenient, simple things, it is not difficult to help others, it is not difficult.
     
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  19. hezzey

    hezzey Well-Known Member

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    Many Human Males are given bakhshesh in the form of a bushy beard when they mature. Mine is bushy, it is well made, and it keeps my face warm in the freezing Canadian Winter. GOD'S GIFT!!
    It was -10 outside, a women I know said, you should shave that off, it makes you look poor. [in January? FUCK HER. She got fat and saggy, when she got old, me? I got my face all warm!! Cool]

    I said nothing. [I didn't say] You should wash more often, I can smell you!
     
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  20. mcgru-

    mcgru- Well-Known Member

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    black pussies, yellow pussies, SMELLY pussies... common yeee pussy-lovers!
    :D

    ... you'' get another pussy just for a penny! if you'll find cheaper pussy anywhere - FUCK iiiit...
    :D


    what about food leftovers on your bushy beard ? wash after each meal?

    btw, man on your avatar looks like Karl Marx :D

    anekdot:
    Somewhere in USSR one man walks near stokehold and see there poor stoker with a bushy beard who looks very similar (like a twinbrother) to the Karl Marx. Man tells to the stoker:
    - do you know that your face, your beard makes you very similar to Karl Marx?
    - yeah...
    - well then you should know that it is politically incorrect to be such a dirty worker and have an outlook of such a Genious Man, the Father of Communism... you should shave your beard!
    - well... i can cut off my beard... but how i'll cut off my brains from the skull?

    ;)
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2019
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