New canoe, what ya think LL?

Discussion in 'Off Topic International' started by hezey, Dec 26, 2012.

  1. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

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    What is wrong with this picture?

    Would you let her drive your canoe?
    If not, why not?

    I can think of three reasons I would say to her, "Look Honeypie, you have never been in a canoe right?"
    Or if you she has been, Big Daddy was content for her to remain a useless future-murder/rape/armed-robbery victim or die of hypothermia when her car breaks down, or drown falling asleep in a bathtube...... to be remembered forever, as a victim, of something.
    The chick paddling that thing is a babymaker.
    If she goes for a drive in the winter, she wears heels, a tight little jacket, a purse, a tiny dog in the purse and a MAN to take her here and there. If there was a flat tire and it was 20 below zero, she would be fucked. If her big daddy couldn't get the car running, she would become an instant hassle, like a newborn baby in a snowstorm, or, uh a babymaker captaining a boat.

    NON survivable.

    Never mind.
    What is wrong with the canoe and what is wrong with the captain.
    3 things I know of that would get them hauled out of the water and
    THE RIOT ACT TO BE READED.
    [​IMG]
    I hope you can see the image
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2012
  2. -exec-

    -exec- FH Consultant

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    those two pillows are the last chance tool? [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2012
  3. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

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    Good answer
    Here is your prize, Man!:
    [​IMG]
    Still three [or more] things wrong though.

    Those pillows will keep the canoe afloat so it can be found later, after someone notices.
    It will be called a boating accident.
    And in Canada a debate in the silly news press will rage for a week, until the next puppy disappearance in New Brunswick.....
    ..... about a law bill requiring mandatory training.... of....
    Girls.
    Okay, uh
    at least a colar and socializing. And they need to be spayed, keeps them out of other men's teepees.
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2012
  4. Uncles

    Uncles Well-Known Member

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    In our modern Western nations, how can she not have a life jacket? Jeez, when I fish I need all kinds of safety stuff.

    However, one's eyes tend to wander to the "fertile crescent" in pics such as this ;) Mine did.

    How's about my new ride? She can be a passenger, I think :cheers:

    [​IMG]
     

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  5. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

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    Nice; sporty and practical.

    You will look good driving it. Where is the fertile crescent? Is that in Ontario somewhere?
    But I digress...:

    OT god damn it!

    :znaika:
    But of course, that is the raison d'etre of this whole sub-forum, right?

    Once 4000 people have looked at the thread, I will explain the three things I see wrong and I will present a prize too all who found stuff wrong, and I will double the prize for people who see stuff wrong that I didn't see.
    I thought the 'pillows' that exec spotted were plastic bags with cheap wine inside.... I am sure they sell those things in all of your countries, eh? And I bet the wine is lousy in those bags everywhere they are sold too.
    [hint, do not drink a bag of red while in a boat, Burgundy especially, whoaaa]
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2012
  6. looseleaf

    looseleaf Well-Known Member

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    Firstly, this is not a real photo.

    This is a staged event to show-off the clear plastic canoe.

    I guess it's a " touchie-feelie" so you can see the rocks dashing your gunwhales...

    Who knows, maybe it's bulletproof Lexan.. it will still scratch like heck...


    For serious adventures one would have to be wearing something more that that bikini.. I see no white water so this could be in some millionaire's backyard pool.

    I'm not a water sports person nor outdoorsman... However, my guess is that if I were to engage in such a venture....

    Helmet, life jacket and a better oar. and some kind of shoe /foot protection.

    Now is she in the center of the canoe, is it balanced?

    I have to admit, it took me a while to see the canoe... "fertile croissant" ha ha ha,,, yes I'm hungry.....

    :cheers:
     
  7. Uncles

    Uncles Well-Known Member

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    Maybe it's the Playboy Mansion's infamous grotto? :D

    Are we over-analyzing this? You're right about the head and shoe protection, of course. At Boy Scout camp she might be very popular -- oh, she would be! -- but she would fail some safety tests.

    Yeah, what's with those bladders fore and aft? Can a chick "blow" ballast outta those like on a submarine (a boat)? :)

    The fertile crescent is that delicate, female nether region, the place we all think about more than anywhere else, IMHO, hehe.

    :cheers:
     
  8. hezey

    hezey Well-Known Member

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    Stern is place to crew a one-girl canoe not amidships, in fact, that is for cargo [drinks and ice?].
    When two in canoe, stern is captain and bow is like a uh, place for bow crew?
    Girl in bow helps paddle the thing [I wouldn't trust her to paddle my ass] and while docking [maybe I would dock with her], and she keeps an eye out for shoals and, rocks and underwater hazards, her promary job.
    Again, I wouldn't trust her, would you hand over the wheel to a 6 year old on meth?
    And if she is up in the bow, with a big daddy in the stern, facing backwards, giving dear-eyes to her big daddy and blowing kisses or mixing drinks, instead of paying fucking attention, you are at sea, girl, did you know you could be keel hauled? Or lashed?
    Stupid cunt.
    ...
    ...
    There are no oars used in canoes.

    Who said those? I am too lazy to scroll and read the things yet again.

    Some guy, above got one correct, I mean one I spotted....

    here:
    [​IMG][​IMG]

    My answers are coming up, but I think a couple of prizes for
    Things Wrong That I Did Not Think To List.
    But, like the house I posted above, there are many things fucked up, eh?

    So, guys, here

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Good work, men.

    Still some ones I found you have not found. I will tell you in 2013.
    :@drunk:
     
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2012
  9. Rainer

    Rainer Well-Known Member

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    Even though I can't see the left end of that paddle, it appears to be a kayak paddle, not a canoe paddle.

    I, too, found no oars. Nor did I find a PFD (Personal Flotation Device), nor appropriate footwear. Don't think canoeing requires head gear.

    Now that I look again, is it even a canoe? More like a kayak/canoe/hybrid thingy with the top taken off. Stern is very rounded.

    Either way she needs protective gear. Bikini should be optional on such a girl.

    Edit: this is called a CanoeYak. Eureka!!

    [​IMG]