I had this cat. Her name was "Cat." Cat was a fuckin spastic retard. When she was small, she was playing with wires and bit one and spazzed right out and almost dies from a badly burned lip [do cats have lips?]. I stuck her in a rubber boot and did a cure, which involved Hydrogen Peroxide, cotton swabs and zinc something or other, that white stuff. Cat got better, but stayed reatarded for the rest of her life [which ended when she got squished by a car]. One day, I was very poor and had no money. I had nothing to eat except tea, some oatmeal and sugar and powdered milk and margerine. The cat was very pissed off at me, she didn't seem to think a dish of water was food and she wouldn't hunt rats like a normal starving cat. I made some oatmeal porridge [some people call it mush I think, over there in snobland]. cat wouldn't touch it. So I put some powdered milk and some margerine into it and the cat snarfed it, all of it. Well, cat was pretty happy. She went to sleep on a nice padded sofa. Couple hours later, that cat was in a big hurry and came running by me. I wondered what was up, seein as that cat only ran when she was scared by dogs or I had a corn-broom. Well, the cat slid around the corner and didn't quite make it to her litter box. And she laid a perfectly formed, cocktail sausage shaped little perfect turd of oatmeal porridge there, on the floor next to the litter box. And then she groaned [yes, cats do groan] and laid another perfectly formed little oatmeal sausage. And another and another. She was convulsing like fuckin electroshock patient. And when she was done, she went to the sofa and laid back down again. And I was amazed at the changes that cat went through after that. She began to catch rats and mice. I couldn't put anything in her dish, she didn't trust me anymore to feed her. Come wintertime, rat and mouse huntin season ended.... SO what I had to do for a while was to put her food in a dish on the kitchen counter [she wasn't allowed on the counter and only climbed up there when I wasn't lookin so she could take a bite out of whatever I had up there]. Eventually, I got the cat to eat from her dish on the floor again, but it took some doing, let me tell you. I put her food down there and then walked away. The food wasn't touched for a couple days. And then a couple more. And then one day, about day four, I looked and her food was all ate up. Amazin I know. There isn't really a point to this story, except I am gonna next write about something way more fun than Sunday Sports or chasin women. Ever spin a cat?
Dude, I am laughin so fuckin' hard right now I can hardly see the screen through my tears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I, for one, hope the only thing you are leaving is the game, and not this forum...... You will be missed, Rainer
I want to read about spinning cats. I used to have a pet rat. It peed everywhere and my mother really really didn't like that. Named it Mickey Rat. It ran in my room, loose. One day, I came from school and my rat was gone. I couldn't find mickey. I went upstairs and asked my mom if she had seen it. See gave me a sad sad story about sucking Mickey up while using the vacuum cleaner to tidy in my room. I was saddenned. It was sometime later I found tha fatal flaw in her story. It isn't possible to suck a rat into a upright vacuum cleaner. I had to kill my mother. Then, because I knew I was in big trouble, I killed the rest of my family.
Even funnier in condensed version!! Fuk Pavlov Biles da man Revised edit... Im sitting at work still laughing to myself, a coworker bemused asks,"uhhh...whatcha laughin at? I turn and ask, "what the fuk a corn broom?" (Im still LOL) With nary a word nor expression she turns and walks away
Oatmeal? It is rolled oats. Meaning, crushed oats. It is boiled with some water and is used as food by many people in Third World Countries (USA, Canada, England, Scotland). Not many people In Canada or the USA or Scotland or England EAT GOATMEAL. Few do; Emmigrant Arabs and
