Official Off-Topic Flooding Thread

LOL

 

Good Things to Know


1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

 

Prolly seen previously on FHF...

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots, (marked with a P), and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny........... S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

What is the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

















































I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

 

and what is the difference?

 

And the joke died
Thanks...

 

Finally an IQ test that even I got right...

Mensa (well, almost)

 

Are you looking for a Pet that is really easy to look after and will give you no problems? Well then you need to get yourself a Rock Pet!! Sounds wacky but if you think about it, makes perfect sense!! No cleaning up after it, no need for long walks, feeding, washing, or any destruction of your property!! The ultimate pets, Rocks take care of themselves, and are quite happy for you to talk to them, stroke them, hold them, put them anywhere, take them anywhere, and even leave them alone for long periods of time!! Now what could be better than the love and affection of a Rock Pet, calm, gentle, and full of energy.
You and your pet can meditate together and share blissful moments. It will even protect you when you are out, just bring it out and brandish at would be assailants!! (We would never condone violence but support the right of self defense).
You can use your Rock Pet as a paper weight, they're quite happy to do that. Also being amphibious means that they can survive underwater, so it can join other pets that you might have in an aquarium!!
Can any Rock be a suitable pet? The answer is of course No!! In the same way as picking stray dogs, you just don't know what you're getting from the street.
All our Rock Pets are pedigree Rocks and picked from many of their natural habitats and migration colonies. We keep them and look after them before they are shipped to their prospective loving new homes and owners. What will you name your Pet Rock? Rocko? Rocky? The Rock? Kid Rock? I hope you can come up with something more original!! We have Rocks from the Brighton Coastal Region. These Rocks like to gather by the beach and take in the sun and sea breezes. Like the town of Brighton itself, they are fun, vibrant and definitely party Rocks!!
Our Surrey Rocks are more refined in character and can be found in meadows and fields. They have definitely settled into sedate country life.
Our London Rocks can come from anywhere in the capital, from Thames riverside trendies, to city centre slickers and Great Park residents. But regardless of location one thing can be said they are indeed London savvy and streetwise having soaked up London for their lives!!
You can get a Perfect Pet today for a low price of £12.99 including VAT@17.5% and shipping to anywhere in the world! Thats right so the simple price is all you pay, no additional shipping charges.

C'mon guys! Only 12,99£!! it's really cheap!

Rock-pet

 

loooooooooooolz

 

http://www.nej-videa.cz/nova-sportovni-disciplina/

 

LOOOOOLLLLL

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jmonz6Jv3Bg
(from )

 

http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf
what's written there?
they recommend to make laugh a flight fellow with that

 

Scary Poppins

 

F/A-18 parking
http://cybergames.cz/best/site.php?view=screeny&jak=full&id=619

 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Oh damn... i'm a hatefull driver

 

USB-hoover