[font=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Dark In Here[/font] A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company? Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes it is." Boy: "I have a baseball bat." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My Dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "500 dollars." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "How much?" Boy: "1,500 dollars." Man: "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your bat and ball. Let's go outside and we?ll throw around the baseball together." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "2,000 dollars." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to Church and make you confess." They go to Church and the father alerts the Priest. The little boy sits in the confession booth and closes the door. Boy: "Dark in here.? Priest: "Don't start that crap again." Cuckoo Clock The other night I was invited out for a night with "The Boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight - promise! The hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick and witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "Oh crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted." Cowboy's Wedding Night A cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. "Congratulations!" says the clerk. Looking at the cowboy, he asks, "Would you like the bridal then?" "Naw, thanks." says the cowboy, "I'll just hold her by the ears till she gets the hang of it."
A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, "I want to open a fucking checking account". "Please sir", she replies, "we can't have language like that in here." "Why the fuck not?" he asked. "Sir," came her retort, "I must ask you to refrain from swearing." "I don't give a shit what you want," he answers, "I just want to open a fucking checking account." With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch manager. The manager asks if he might be able to help the gentleman. "Shit yes", came the reply, "I just won 14 million dollars in the lottery and want to open a fucking checking account." The branch manager says, "I see, and this stupid fucking bitch is giving you a hard time?"
Jesus. I am sitting next to a tard. She kinda laughed. Said, "Oh, birds everywhere, oh, I get it." A asked "Birds? Everytwhere?" And she said, "um." Her eyes are shot. Or her fuckin brain is. I HATE havin to explain a joke. Anyone know any tard jokes?
"Dad, what will I be when I grown up?" "Nothing, son. You have cancer." "Mom! I want a bike!" "No, son. You already have a chair of wheels."
A Scotsman walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache." His girlfriend lying in bed replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, dickhead." The man replies: "Shut up, bitch! I wasn't talking to you." ------------------------------------------------------ An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half!drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. ---------------------------------------------------- Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It?s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu?. But I think it?s Colin ----------------------------------------------------------- A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
