...the swedish chainsaw maybe one part of "being born a poor black man, but grow up rich white woman"? just a thought
At the immigration office: -Name? -Abu Dalah Sarafi. -Sex? -Four times a week. -No, no, no... male or female? -Male, female... sometimes camel...
WORDS WOMEN USE It may help, but you will never truly understand them! 'FINE' This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. 'FIVE MINUTES' This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. 'NOTHING' This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine" 'GO AHEAD' (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine" 'GO AHEAD' (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD 'SIGH' This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing" SOFT 'SIGH' Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. ?THAT'S OKAY? This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow." 'GO AHEAD!' At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. 'PLEASE DO!' This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay" 'THANKS!' A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you're welcome. 'THANKS A LOT!' This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
Two young men, just at the opposite side of the planet one from the other. One is passing from a skyscraper to other over a tiny rope. The other is receiving his best ever blowjob by a 95yo woman without teeth. As an incredible coincidence, both are thinking just the same. What are they thinking? >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> I MUST NOT LOOK DOWN!!! I MUST NOT LOOK DOWN!!! I MUST NOT LOOK DOWN!!!
ok, i know what my next nightmare will be about Edit: now don't reply with stuff like: "yeah, about walking on a rope, right? we know ya like the other thing". ya sick bastards!
check this out and compare. it's a dictionary of obscene expressions. then u'll understand http://www.notam02.no/~hcholm/altlang/ht/Romanian.1.html#so0 btw, there are a lot of languages in there, pretty cool
Automatic e-mail reply messages 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you. 3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management. 5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 6. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 7. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. 8. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted. 9. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 10. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. 11. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 12. Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages. 13. I've run away to join a different circus. 14. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Loretta" instead of "Steve."
Jewish Zen 1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy. 2. If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue. 3. Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space. 4. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that. 5. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that? 6. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story. 7. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking? 8. Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel. 9. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness. 10. If there is no self, whose arthritis is this? 11. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems. 12. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish. 13. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish. 14. The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish? 15. Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster. 16. In nature, there is no good or bad, better or worse. The wind may blow or not. The flowering branch grows long or short. Do not judge or prefer. Ask only, "Is it good for the Jews?" 17. To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist. 18. Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated? 19. Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.
